This will seem so random among the midst of reviews and giveaways, but sometimes a person just needs to vent. Way back when Tyrneathem first began (under a different name at that time), this was primarily a personal journal. I’ve lost touch with that side of this blog and sometimes I miss sharing my personal thoughts and day-to-day life. I originally spewed out the post below… about a month ago… in a fit of irritation over events surrounding the death of a relative. I decided to let this simmer a bit and see if I changed my mind about posting it. Even after some time, I still feel just as passionate about my rant…

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I am so sick of the hypocrisy of the people around me when it comes to someone’s death. I’ve lost many people in my life from my own dad to aunts, uncles, and friends. There are so many times that I have been sitting there at a funeral or prayer service watching those around me or witnessing conversations and Facebook updates in the days and weeks after someone has passed on and I’ve wanting to SCREAM

Hey, you! Yeah, you… the one that is going on and on about how much you miss that person you never talked to when they were alive. That pain you’re feeling? It’s not grief… it’s regret.

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I’m not saying there is no grief… I know there probably is… but it feels like a violation when these people talk about someone you loved in a way that makes it sound like they had a deep relationship with the deceased. I’m not talking about those who were there for the deceased. I’m talking about the people that were never there for family gatherings, talked trash behind the deceased’s back, never bothered to even pick up a phone, or generally acted like the deceased didn’t exist until they were sick, dying, or dead. I spent a lot of time caring about and for people in my life… cultivating real relationships with people that care about me in return… and it just makes me angry when someone who didn’t give those deceased the time of day now act like that relationship was their very reason for living.

You probably have the Social Media Drama Queen in your list, too. The one who has to let you know how much they miss SoAndSo on every anniversary, random holiday, made-up special occasion, and imagined special moment. Most people are legitimately grieving and I understand that. Some are able to quietly move on while others need to keep the memories close. Then there’s those that seem to just crave the attention that comes from being Poor Little Me…

I just sneezed and it reminded me of SoAndSo. Oh, how I miss how my dear loved one would do such-and-such whenever I sneezed! It always made my day so speshul and I’ll think of them whenever I sneeze!

Oh, that’s funny because you were never around your dear loved when you sneezed! They were lucky if they saw you enough to remember your eye color. Please stop pretending that someone you never saw when they were alive is now the center of your world when they’re dead! (I use sneezing to make the point of how these types bring up every trivial detail after a death and relate it to themselves… yet just make it more clear how little they knew the person who died.)

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Then there’s the inheritances. It’s a mixture of sadness, amusement, bitterness, and disgust that plays out in my head every time a loved one dies and the living think they might get something of value. The vultures sure crawl out of the woodwork, don’t they? Maybe it’s just my family, but it’s amazing anyone is left standing after some of these fiascoes.  Hey family, keep me out of those wills, because I don’t want any part of the pathetic drama that unfolds!

I’ll admit that I have family that I choose not to see. I have legitimate reasons for why I don’t see them ranging from core differences in belief that have put a huge rift between us to just generally being tired of their ridiculous drama. At times I sacrificed my own happiness trying to make these relationships happen. I have gone above and beyond trying to heal wounds, but I can’t be the only one that tries to make a relationship work! I’ve had so many people say, “But it’s family…” Even family needs to know that they can’t treat you like dirt and expect you to keep on taking it. I have learned that sometimes it’s okay to think of myself first.

You know what? You won’t see me at their funerals lamenting the lost time.  I’ll pay my respects if I see fit, but it will be as support for those that remain alive and not out of grief for the one who has died. I have made a conscious decision to include those in my life that I want included and I have no regrets letting others go. Some say life is too short to hold grudges, but I say life is too short to let others drag you into their misery. Maybe it’s just me…

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